edit: This cat is scary, I may or may not look like this at times(my family may say that I looked like it in the past few weeks, sorry my sweet boys). Also, what is the deal with those lines around it, they are not there when I try to edit!
I haven't made a post in a while. I don't know why. Maybe it is because I feel like I am in some sort of slump- emotionally, physically, and spiritually. A slump really isn't a good place to be. Today has been better so maybe I am on my way out of it. Here is what I have felt like the last few weeks.
Emotionally:
I look around and all I see is chaos. My house is not as organized as I would like it and it bothers me. Right now with two boys, it seems like I clean up one area and then I turn around and they have messed up something else. I know it just how it is right now but it still bothers me. I have a confession---- I am not good at house work and organizing. I wish I was but I just am not. I get big ideas but I don't follow through with it then I feel bad because I am not doing a good job with anything and then it feels overwhelming. I guess that is how I feel lately OVERWHELMED with it all. School starts in exactly two weeks. That means I have two weeks to get it together, plus get my classroom ready, plus go school clothes/supply shopping with J.C.(See), plus get on a bedtime routine, plus get some sort of chore routine figured out, plus lose some weight(I don't think the 1 and 1/2 pieces of cheesecake I just stuffed in my mouth are going to help with that), plus get organized , plus well I think you get the idea. I just put a lot of pressure on myself and then when I don't follow through or get the results I think I should get then I am disappointed. Man this isn't an uplifting post is it!
Physically:
Well, I have another confession to make- I need to lose some weight. I probably have gained around 5-7 pounds this summer plus I needed to lose about 20 pounds any way. This is not good for my self esteem and I hate it. Plus, I just don't feel good and energetic. I like how I feel when I exercise and watch what I eat but I just can't stick with it. For example, last week I did a good job keeping track of weight watchers points for a day and a half. Then I went to the fair and of course when you go to the fair you have to have a deep fried Snickers bar. Then on Wednesday my good teaching friend took me out for my b-day and how could I say no to a China buffet when she was so nice to offer. Then the next day was my actual b-day and what fun is it to eat salad and fat free cookies on your own b-day? It has all gone down hill from there. Why can't I stick with any thing? Diets, schedules, house work......geez
Spiritually:
Let me just say that I just feel like such a fake in this area. I have said for several months now I know what I should be doing(reading the Bible, having quiet time, being encouraging to others, helping, telling others about Jesus) but I am not doing it. I am very disobedient and this disappoints me to no end. I just do not feel very close to the Lord right now probably because I am not doing any of the above. We do go to church but I am also feeling discouraged there because some times it feels like high school with cliques and rumors. It is just hard to focus on what I am supposed to . I just feel like I need some time alone without distractions to sort all this out. On Friday and Saturday I will be attending the Women of Faith conference I pray that it helps me because sometimes I feel like I am just dog paddling through life!
Now not to be all complaining because that is what the above is perhaps I should at least write down some ideas on how to fix these things. I think I will start with the most important first:
Spiritually:
1. Read the book I got for my b-day "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World"
2. Get up early to have a quiet time and read my Bible.
3. Pray and have a "heart to heart" with the Lord, confess and pray for guidance(this should be #1)
Emotionally and Physically:
1. Write out a plan for housework and actually stick with it for at least a month
2. Write out bedtime routines for myself and the boys
3. Commit to 30 minutes of exercise, this will be easier once school starts
4. Give myself a break, I am not nor will I ever be super woman!
Sorry this isn't a very uplifting post but it is life. Do any of the rest of you go through this or is just me? I hope it just isn't me or I might have to go buy some more cheesecake!
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